Would You Give Up Arms For Wings?
A story inspired by the visionary life and writings of Paulus Berensohn.
I worked and played to write this book for eight years. And like Paulus himself, the project is a weaving, and filled with layers, and now finished.
I like to think of my book drafts, and the project itself sort of like a tree, and that this webpage can reflect that and become another form of the word "would."
There in the center is the core place where I began the journey in 2018, and each year there is a new growth ring has appeared.
For now, if you click under the main heading for Would You Give Up Arms for Wings, the versions of the project, and what I've been working through is evident. As well an essay outlining the process of how I found my way to the workable structure for my non-fiction-fiction intention was published by The Midwest Quarterly and a very long presentation Finding My Way To Creative Freedom at the Johnson County Library in Overland Park, Kansas.
I'm beyond grateful to the Canada Council for the Arts for their unwavering support. Their belief in me kept me going while I worked through months and drafts of revision to find the book you can now read. Becoming a finalist for the 2024 Sue William Silverman Prize in Creative Nonfiction is a mind-bending honor and encouragement to my writing life, however there have been strange psychic echoes of not winning. The amygdala doesn't seem able to distinguish the nuance of a given "No." To be named at all is something I know to treasure.
It's now 2026. I'm looking for the way to bring the healing power of the project I've enjoyed into a form to be shared. The project is so rich and deep and wide. I've been swimming in the moments of the writing. It's been a beautiful flow. If you know Paulus, you aren't surprised by that. But if you don't know him, that's why I've written this book. Typically, and so I assumed the next step was to find a publisher and "publish" the book. I've worked on that.
Tupelo Press says, "Would You Give Up Arms for Wings? A story inspired by the visionary life & writings of Paulus Berensohn is a fascinating, often luminous work that deftly intertwines genres and perspectives, lyricism with research, and offers much to think with in terms of how we create," but ultimately they had reached capacity and could not take on this title.
At the same time, Joy Seidler, the best friend of Paulus said to me, “Martha Graham, who Paulus danced and learned from, recognized that each of us have a unique piece of the Cosmic puzzle. If we do not bring forth our gifts the world will not have that particular energy. Having now written what you were compelled/called/divinely inspired to write - can you allow for that being enough? Are you able to know that the quantum field has been vibrated and your creation now lives in the "Lake of Stories" in the unseen realms? Hallelujah! Well done you.”
I've also worked on understanding this. I do rejoice in the writing of this book and it can be enough. I have been changed, and I am changing because of it, but I'd like you to read it too.
What I'm sensing now is the final form of the book should be "self-published" as a limited edition handmade coptic stitch book.
It took a while to figure this out and understand that the intimacy of this finish is why I started the project.
Sections of the book where the text is very directly from the unpublished memoir Paulus wrote, that inspired my "creative" nonfiction could be done as a contemporary letterpress in photopolymer plates, and although I can coptic stitch, I think there are others who can coptic stitch better. I'll do some fundraising/grantwriting for this part, and work with my own personal budget for the rest.
My friend Jo has already created the cover illustration. David Abram and
Cary Esser have agreed to lend their support by way of an endorsement. This is meaningful beyond belief. I have such tremendous admiration for their lives and work.
My hope is to make the connections with those who labor their craft in this handmade book form so I can labor with them to realize this vision. Soon the book I see will be one you can feel. If you have any interest in how I'm progressing or you have an interest in supporting the project I'd love to hear from you.
But for now and for always, thank you Paulus, for you. Rest in Peace.
In essence:
Would You Give Up Arms For Wings? A story inspired by the visionary life and mystical writings of Paulus Berensohn is a narrative study of the human psyche’s essential longing for freedom, and the potential for natural fulfillment through enchanted experiences like dancing, poetry, craft practices and deep ecology.
